Maybe it's not so personal
By Grace Martino
I am a white-presenting Puerto Rican woman. I will soon marry a black man. My college roommates are black. My ancestors are black. My future children will be black. Due to this, the recent events with David McAtee, Tony McDade, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery have had a certain sting. It is true, because people I love are black, the Black Lives Matter movement is imperative to me. But the truth is, my relationship to black individuals is a shallow reason to care. It reduces the Movement to the relationships non-black people have rather than the individuals it is about. It has roots in the ignorant rhetoric of “I have a close childhood black friend” and “I can’t be racist, my wife is black”.
Though sources vary, The Washington Post in 2014 reported that 75% of white people do not have a close friend who is non-white. If we believe that personal relationships between people of color and white individuals is what changes racist ideology, behavior and institutions, this statistic means we have a lot of work to do. But relationships take time, proximity, and intentionality, and if we are honest with ourselves, black lives can’t wait that long and nor should we expect them to stick out their neck for a collective group who have not proven to value them well. So then, what can we do?
Don’t get me wrong, relationships are key to change but there is acknowledgement that needs to happen prior. I do not care for people for what they have given me, but what their value is as human. If we were to advocate for only people we knew and had relationship with, we would be ethnocentric islands unwilling to empathize with the world. If you only feel compassion for someone for what they are in relation to you, the conversation and center of your care is you.
This self-centered rhetoric that claims that racism can only be fought at a heart level is what allows people to believe that race should only be addressed on an individual level and not a systemic one. It is this rhetoric that can allow individuals to claim they are not racist, but be complicit in systems that are innately racist. When we shift to collective care for other humans, it is much easier to make friends and not tokens. It is easier to love people for who they are and the richness their culture brings, not for how they contribute to a diversity quota. Practically speaking, this might look like reading authors of different racial/ethnic backgrounds, listening to news from other countries, and creating policies that demand equal and welcoming work environments even prior to having non-white employees. I am not talking about being “woke” for the sake of a social media post, but being aware that the world does not and was not founded in the individualistic and white standard we were made to believe. Care and learn not for what you will gain, but for the space you open for others that haven’t been afforded one. This is what will make predominantly white institutions change prior to having a minority contingency, what will make your all white neighborhood change before the Muslim neighbors move in, what will make your all white family change before they have Afro-Latino relatives, and will help you be humble when your black friends and coworkers call you out on problematic behavior.
As young professionals and the future of proliferate industries, a shift in the motives for why we pursue diversity and inclusion is imperative. As we have seen in recent events, companies and organizations have made vocal stances against injustice, but the demographic of their boardrooms have stayed the same. The funding models and policies have stayed the same. Changing the hearts and minds of the white executives and employees of a company is part of the process, but it’s too little too late if it requires people of color to bleed from microaggressions and discrimination in order to have a half-baked, 60-minute training and press release. It is too late if tired and hurt minorities are pressured into teaching the white masses in a world where you are able to educate yourself on equitable work environments (Google is your friend!).
Maybe its not about it being personal, but about making black lives a priority regardless of how they affect you.
Grace Martino serves as the Congregations & Leadership Administrative Assistant for CBF.